Don't Ask You don't want to know
by ThreeInOne
Summary: How exactly this story came into creation is beyond me. Jayfeather is roaming dreams, and runs into crazy along the way, including a pyromaniac, an alien, and...a giant talking banana?


**((This is something random that came to mind that I blame on coffee and exploding fruit. R N R.))**

Jayfeather was walking around impatiently in Leafpool's dream when a squirrel jumped from behind an herb pile and bit his tail! Jayfeather got rabies and decided to turn EMO with his fat Heathertail and dye himself pink!

And then Jayfeather bit Heathertail and Heathertail ran into a GIANT, TALKING, BANANA, and the banana ate Heathy! Then Lionblaze was like, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! WHAT ABOUT THE $1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000.00 YOU PROMISED ME?"

And then a giant chocolate bar walked up to Firestar and said, "Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club band, we hope you will enjoy the show!" Then Lionblaze got angry and said, "But where is my money?"

Then Jayfeather woke up and got a mouse from the fresh kill pile but it was stale, so he tossed it in Mousefur's face so she, tried to eat him but Purdy jumped out and ate her first. Firestar stood still watching then he was so mad that he kicked Purdy out and turned into a peanut!

And then Heathertail clawed her way out of the banana and ate the peanut that was now Firestar. But Firestar died then came back to life and clawed his way out of Heathertail so that Graystripe would grow bananas out of his head.

When he did, Jayfeather gave Hollyleaf a pen and paper so she could write fan letters to the warrior code and file complaints to ShadowClan about the lake. Meanwhile Onestar was busy confessing his immortal and undying love to Firestar.

"I kill your Clan because I love you, Firestar," he said. Then Firestar slapped him because his beloved clan shall not die.

Onestar's reaction was: "That hurt kittypet!" Then Firestar slapped him again and hissed, "Call me a kittypet again and you will SMELL MY FOOT!"

Onestar was terrified at the idea of smelling Firestar's feet, so he ate Breezepelt. Breezepelt ate a mouse that was in Firestar and then he got mad and spit him out, so he farted and Mousefur decided to come out of Purdy, so she did and Purdy got bumped back in to the dream, and then Breezepelt walked into a GIANT TALKING FISH!

And then Firestar pulled out a dodge ball and started beating up Dovepaw with it. "Help!" Dovepaw screamed. "Scream all you want, you Emo Mary sue, no one will help you!" then Sol stabbed Firestar with a fishing pole and said, "Bad kitty!"

So Firestar pulled out a nail clipper and started chopping Sol's ears with it. And then a walrus came and said, "Be still lil kittie kitties!" And the walrus's name was Hong Kong Knowith Ding Dong!

And then Firestar yelled at the walrus to shut up, and threw a glitter bomb at him. Then the walrus jumped out of the way and grabbed Dovepaw and said, "Hi, thing. Good bye, thing." and he put her down somewhere else and then put Firestar and Sol in two other places.

Then he walked over to Jayfeather, who had recovered from his rabies, and said, "Why are you walking around in Leafpool's dream?" and then Leafpool came out and said, "Because he loves me."

As Jayfeather barfed, the walrus pulled out a lamp, and made a genie come out. He wished for the world to make sense. "No! That would mean that we would make sense! That this story would make sense!" Jayfeather barked, having turned into a dog.

"Exactly," said the walrus. Then, dog-Jayfeather tackled the walrus and had Ivypaw eat the lamp. And then Ivypaw suddenly turned Middle-Eastern. And then the Jaws theme started playing as a giant shark appeared and ate everybody.

"Oh no!" Lionblaze screamed from the shark's stomach. "Cows have eaten the sun! We're going to die!"

Then a light appeared. Goosefeather ran around in circles on fire screaming, "Haha! I'm on FIRE!"

Then the Alien from the movie Alien popped out of Breezepelt's chest, killing him. It attacked and ate Blackstar, then put on a hat and grabbed a cane and started dancing while singing.

"_Hello, my baby _

_Hello, my honey_

_Hello, my ragtime gal_

_Send me a kiss by wire _

_Baby, my hearts on fire _

_If you refuse me _

_Honey, you'll lose me _

_Then you'll be left alone_

_Oh baby, telephone_

_And tell me I'm your own,"_ the Alien finished, took a bow, and ran out.

"What the StarClan is going on?" a random cat screamed, bursting out into tears for no apparent reason. Cats starting muttering to themselves, and began surrounding Lionblaze, Dovepaw, and

Jayfeather, becoming glassy-eyed and zombie-like.

"OMG! Like, zombies!" Dovepaw screamed.

Jayfeather pulled out a revolver and began randomly shooting people, as they advanced. Goosefeather started setting them on fire yelling, "I'M A PYROMANIAC! HAHA! FIRE!"

The zombies advanced, and Jayfeather woke up.

"Man that was a weird dream," he muttered.

"You said it, man," the Alien remarked beside him, and Jayfeather, somehow able to see it, screamed.

And the Erin Hunters woke up screaming in their beds. And from this day on, they are terrified of the idea of Aliens, zombie-cats, Jayfeather with a revolver, and giant sharks.


End file.
